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HOMONYMS, YOU DIRTY BASTARDS.  4.22.06

Hey, why not. We all forget some of these now and then, so in an effort to make us all a little classier, here is my abridged list of tricky words that sound like eachother but have vastly different meanings. All of these are homonyms I have come across before; some of them in extremely high-profile situations. Read ahead, and save yourself a little embarrassment down the road... especially if you're an English Professor who doesn't want to be upstaged by someone like myself. Sorry, had a little flashback there for a second. Anyway, definitions are taken from Dictionary.com.

AD / ADD.

1. Ad: Short for advertisement.
2. Add: To combine to form a sum. Uh, as in, "addition". Especially pathetic when people in the Ad/PR industry screw it up, as they could probably figure it out by reading their own business cards.

AFFECT / EFFECT.

1. Affect: To have an influence on.
2. Effect: Something brought about by a cause or agent; a result. These two are tough, as both words can be either nouns or transitive verbs. Though effect is primarily used as a noun and affect as a verb, there are instances where they will switch sides, especially in psychology, where a subject's affect is their state of mind. Best to research these bad boys. Or not.

COMPLEMENT / COMPLIMENT.

1. Complement: Something that completes, or makes up a whole. If we need a dollar, and you have fiddy cent, then my fiddy cent would be the complement.
2. Compliment: An expression of praise, admiration, or congratulation.

CYMBAL / SYMBOL.

1. Cymbal: A percussion instrument.
2. Symbol: Something that represents something else by association, resemblance, or convention. Would you believe that the group of people who screw this homonym up the most are drummers? Actually, now that I think about it, that makes sense.

DUAL / DUEL.

1. Dual: Composed of two usually like or complementary parts.
2. Duel: A prearranged, formal combat between two entities. And in a sentence: "Steven Spielberg's movie Duel was the only good thing he ever did."

FAZE / PHASE.

1. Faze: To disrupt the composure of; disconcert. It's hard to take words seriously when they end in "aze", but trust me, that's the one you want when you say something like, "it doesn't faze me."
2. Phase: A distinct stage of development.

GORILLA / GUERRILLA.

1. Gorilla: An ape.
2. Guerrilla: A member of an irregular, usually indigenous military. This is an imporant distinction. Being attacked by a gorilla means you're an idiot for eating a banana at the zoo. Being attacked by a guerrilla means you signed up for the Army in a drunken stupor, and are just waking up from your hangover to find a knife lodged in your throat.

LOOSE / LOSE.

1. Loose: Um... the opposite of tight.
2. Lose: To fail to win. Please don't let me catch you misusing these words. Please.

PREMIER / PREMIERE.

1. Premier: First in status or importance; principal or chief. Often used to refer to a person of political importance, or something of superlative value.
2. Premiere: The first public performance, as of a movie or play. Despite what an English Prof tried to tell me once, the debut of a TV show is the premiere, not the premier... that is, unless the show's Producer is admitting that there will never be an episode better than the first, at which point I'd have to ask why the show is on TV at all.

REEK / WREAK.

1. Reek: To give off or become permeated with a strong unpleasantness, usually an odor.
2. Wreak: To inflict (vengeance or punishment) upon a person. You can see now why writing "He reeked havoc" doesn't quite give you the effect you're looking for.

SERF / SURF.

1. Serf: A member of the lowest feudal class; a slave.
2. Surf: Can be a noun or a verb, relating to the wave-riding sport. "Goin' serfing" went out of fashion after the Civil War.

WARRANTEE / WARRANTY.

1. Warrantee: One to whom a warranty is made or given. Similarly, one who has signed a lease is a lessee. Get it?
2. Warranty: A guarantee given to the purchaser by a company or business. People mix these two up fairly often... I understand the confusion, but seeing as both words are often used within the same legal document, it's best to know which one you're talking about.