BEST BIRTHDAY GIFT EVER. 5.18.06
I simply have to share this one- it's by far the most hilariously tragic birthday gift I've ever come across.
While driving to my mom's house, I came upon what appeared to be a "Happy Birthday" balloon in the middle of the road, weighted down by a sandbag. As I got closer, I realized that yes, it was indeed a pink "Happy Birthday" balloon (known in the balloon industry as a "fancy" balloon). And, as a finally drove past, I realized that it was actually not a sandbag weighing the balloon down. It was a dead cat.
Seeing this feline roadkill sprawled out on the pavement with a pink "Happy Birthday" balloon whimsically whipping about in the wind, I couldn't help but think, "god damn, that is the most sadistic birthday gift I've ever seen. I just might have to steal that idea." I mean, just to see the look on little Katie's face as you show her her birthday gift lying out on the street, hemmoraging its intestines, is well worth the visit from Child Services.
Then I realized that the cat was probably intended to be delivered alive. Whatever, that's not even in the same stratosphere of comedy.