UPDATING MY AROMA. 9.3.06
- "Hi. Do you have Gendarme?"
- "Uhh..."
- "Ehh, nevermind... what do you have that smells like melon, but not in a Bath & Body Works kind of way?"
- "Well, we have Paris Hilton..."
And thus began my downward spiral into oblivion. Yes, I did in fact purchase Paris Hilton For Men, a stench that I can only assume is based on how she likes her men to smell, rather than how she herself smells. If it were the latter, I'd imagine it wouldn't even be worth purchasing the fragrance, when you could easily get the same aroma by soaking in a bath of dead carp and vodka.
The cologne is pretty good actually, if you're like me and enjoy smelling like something recognizable, instead of some toxic laboratory concoction. I used to have Gendarme, which kicked ass... smelled like I came fresh out of the shower, and then got smacked in the side of the head with a grapefruit.
Unfortunately, Gendarme was out of stock at all the establishments I visited. And since colognes are impulse buys, I didn't think to go home and look online for it, where it is readily available as you can see. Instead, I conned myself into buying this Paris Hilton shit, complete with exterior packaging that boasts hers truly lying on a bed dressed in nothing but a trashy bustier. I didn't know whether I should take it home and masturbate to it, or demand that the counterperson throw it in the trash before selling the bottle to me.
In the end, I took the high road, and instead masturbated to the women in the Lord & Taylor catalogue I'd cut the coupons out of. Circle of life.