THE HIDDEN MEANINGS OF TATTOOS. 9.16.06
Over the years, I've had many people ask me to design tattoos for them. But it's not the design that matters... it's the story behind it. And nine times out of ten, that story has something to do with being too drunk to remember that you're an unimaginative conformist sack of crap. So, for anyone considering a tattoo, allow me to decode some of their meanings below.
Tinkerbell: "I have gonorrhea, but in my childish state of denial, I want to feel I'm as clean as a baby's bottom. So what I'm going to do is pretend I don't have the disease, then have sex with you, and then later accuse you of giving it to me."
Rose on Ankle: "I like to think of myself as a wild stallion trotting through a grassy meadow. Except the stallion has been neutered, and instead of a meadow, it's a small fenced-in circle at the state fair, where 8 year-olds throw peanuts at my face."
Random Asian Symbols: "It was 2003, I was in college, and I wanted a tattoo. That's about it."
Text on Small of Back: "Which way to the porno shoot?"
Anything else on Small of Back: "Whew, it's a good thing guys don't think about porn every three seconds... otherwise, I'd really be asking for it with this tattoo. And now, back to watching MTV."
Tribal Design on Bicep: "Remember that guy at your office who got fired for banging the 18 year-old file clerk, even though he and everyone else knew she was the daughter of the VP? That's me, ten years from now."