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TEXTING: OFFICIALLY A BITCH MOVE.  2.4.07

I suppose this is my punishment for having a phone full of girls' numbers.

There's something about text messaging that so appropriately personifies the difference between men and women. Men never text me. If they do text me, it's to say something so brief that to have called about it instead would have been a waste of precious breath. That is my understanding of the text message concept: you write a brief message and expect a brief reply, because if there was anything to discuss, you'd call about it instead. Right?

And yet you ladies out there just love to beam out digital awkwardness over Verizon's airwaves, such as "How would you feel if I said I was attracted to you?" and "I'm not sure I want you talking to her anymore". Do you really want four-word replies to these comments? Again, as I stated in the aforementioned paragraph, this behavior personifies women in such eloquence that it almost makes me cry. Women are infinitely more perceptive than men when it comes to the intricacies of communication: tone, inflection, choice of words, etc. So like everything women do, it is utterly mystifying and mind-boggling that they would opt to discuss important relationship matters via text message, where all their advantages over the male gender go out the window, and where words can easily be misunderstood simply because it's easier for lazy guys like me to write "fuck you" than it is to write "I'm feeling unnerved by the whole situation, and while I still care about you, I'm just too upset right now to talk about it."

Maybe I'll start speaking to all my friends through text messages, and then they'll understand how irrational it is to reduce what should be a 20-minute conversation down to a simple sentence fragment.

1. "Heard ur sister died in a car crash yesterday. sux balls. k, ttyl"
2. "will call u back l8r... busy assassinating the president right now"
3. "Sorry Kate- i've found sum1 else... pls send me my CDs when u get a chance"

Ah, a life of disconnection is the one for me, indeed.